Generation Two: Chapter Seven, Part OnePosted: January 13, 2015
Hello hello again! 🙂 I am back with another chapter, but this one is a two-parter, as you’ve been warned. I’m sorry last chapter had such strong themes, and was quite depressing 😦 and fair warning, this chapter isn’t much better….
I’m hoping to get part two done this week too, and hopefully strive for chapter 8 this week, but we’ll see how that goes Lol. Don’t want to get too ambitious. Part one is relatively short, like 25 pics? I’m hoping part two isn’t that long either.
Otherwise, things to note…….
1. Profanity will most likely be used, you’ve been warned.
2. Disregard the unforeseen outfit change Clemmy does when she is in the water/ocean, just pretend she’s wearing her actual clothes lol, I haven’t figured out how to have it so they don’t automatically change in swimwear XD
3. Time also kinda moves a little fast in this chapter….
4. Anddd this chapter doesn’t directly address a strong theme of death, but if you read into it closely and carefully you’ll be able to figure out. If it makes you uncomfortable, or is too much for you, please do not read. I apologize in advance.
And as usual, told from Clementine’s POV, unless stated otherwise.
About a month later:
Um. Yeah. Wow. Its even harder to write it down.
Its….its been a month, since that day. I don’t know,…know how much I can talk about it, but I’ve read its healthy to talk about it, so I’m trying.
Luckily no one was home, when I stumbled in tears through the front door. I slowly shut the door, and collapsed to the floor. I don’t know how long I cried, his face and voice kept ringing in my ears. His hands, and his body. I could still feel all of it. No matter how many showers I’ve taken, and am still taking. I can’t wash him off or out of me. I feel so degraded. I threw out any clothes I wore around him, trying to box away his memory. But, everyday his sly and sneaky smile creeps into my mind. The first few weeks I would wake up in a cold sweat and breathing frantically. I had to lie to everyone telling them it was just a bad dream. But, in reality it wasn’t just a dream. It was a true nightmare.
I tried keeping busy, by changing my clothes and look so I wasn’t reminded of what he “liked”, working on my novel, and even looking online for information. But….nothing worked. I couldn’t write about a strong female character when my soul has been shattered into tiny pieces. I didn’t have the guts to admit what happened, even to a stranger online, and changing my clothes didn’t help either. He had me wrapped around this twisted game, and I was running around blindly with no way out.
Other days, the good days as I call them, my body just becomes lethargic and I lay around everywhere mopping in self-pity. I call these good days because instead of hysterically crying and tearing myself at the seams, I’m just feeling sorry for myself and am more somber.
Yesterday was one of the hardest days I had, and I’m still not quite recovered from it. I was sorta waiting for how long someone would realize I haven’t really been myself for this past month. I haven’t talked to anyone in the house, especially Straw. I did’t think it would take her this long to realize I didn’t gush over my so-called date, but I think she was busy winning over some new boytoy. Which is fine. I needed the distraction. I was worried she was going to ask me the morning after, but I managed to elude her. That was until yesterday.
“Hey hey, Ms. Moscato, how did that date go of yours? Its been a month and you haven’t given me any of the juicy ideas yet?!” she came into the room smiling and playfully noted
I quickly cringed at the idea of my “date”. “Yeah, some date. If only you knew.” is what I thought. But, she mustn’t know. No one can know. Would only make things worse. I slowly sighed, and then something snapped. His voice and face came flooding to my mind, and it was like he was right in front of me again. I broke.
“What is it to you?! So what if I didn’t tell you, its my personal life okay!” I screamed
Unfortunately, my tone was hoarse and very serious. The total opposite of what I’m normally like, and Straw could tell. She was very taken back with how I reacted, and wasn’t sure what to do. But, my blow up wasn’t finished yet.
“Whoa, okay, sorry. I was just asking since you seemed-“
“Well just forget about the whole thing. Just forget I told you about him, and how I felt about him. Its not important and you shouldn’t care. Its not your life to worry about, so just stay the berry butt out! “
That’s when I whipped my head around in angst and waited for her to walk way and just forget about the whole conversation and the existence of that berry of a man I mentioned to her. But, the damage was done, and it would take more than an apology to talk to her again.
“Fine. If that’s how you want to be.” she quietly responded
I didn’t say anything, because I was fighting back tears and sobs. She couldn’t see me like that.
“Well when you decide to get rid of the berry foot that’s stuck up your ass, you let me know. Also, when you want to stop being a bitch, apologize and explain yourself, let me know. Otherwise I don’t see any reason to talk to you further if you’re not going to be my friend and accept my friendship. I thought we had trust.”
I didn’t bother establishing eye contact with her, I was too angry, sad and ashamed to look her in the eye. I waited until she stormed out of the house, probably to go blow off steam. I rushed into the bedroom, I couldn’t hold in my feelings any longer. All I could do was cry and let the tears stream down my face.
Great, now I pushed one of my friends away. I didn’t want to, but thinking about him plays with my emotions violently. I either get irate or clinically depressed. I’m on a emotional roller coaster and don’t know how to let people in. Worse yet, I don’t want to let them in. I just want to shut everyone out, and be in the corner by myself.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t talk about, but I want to open up. But, I can’t. It feels impossible. I can’t walk around with such a burden and heavy heart. I just, I need air. I’m feeling suffocated in this house of people I trust and know but yet, can’t tell them the one thing I know I have to confess.
I need to walk it off and clear my head.
I didn’t care if it was storming out and pouring rain. I found it fitting actually, seems mother nature is feeling what I’m feeling and she somehow understands me. For awhile I just let the rain hit my skin. My skin was still burning from getting so worked up. The cooling sensation felt like a slow cleanse.
I took my time getting there, after all it was all the way on the other side of town. I avoided walking past the university in case someone I know or have made an acquaintance with saw me. Looking at all of the brightly colored houses, and little kids peering outside the window frowning because of the rain. I imagine that they wanted to go play in the rain, but their parents shook their fingers. Oh to be young and innocent. That’s when it was all easy. Being adult makes things complicated. You can be on top of the world one minute, and down in a six foot grave the next. Life was that ride you always wanted to take when you weren’t tall enough, but now that you are, you’re scared for your life and now want to get off as soon as you got on.
When I reached the beach the rain had slowly led up. It was just a drizzle now. I saw an open long chair, and decided to take a seat and gaze into the beautiful scenery. I watched every little ripple form from each water droplet landing o the surface and causing the disturbance. My mother was right, the beach here is beautiful. So peaceful. Reminds me of the real love my parents have for each other. I believe she said that this is where my dad first kissed her or told her he had feelings for her. Such a lovely place.
That’s when I looked at the water rippling around and splashing from some fish shooting out of the water. It made me smile, another organism who is free to swim and live with no betrayal. So liberating. I’m not entirely sure if it was that, or some unnatural force enticed me to get closer to the cold water and the small waves crashing into the beach. But, I wanted a closer look.
I slowly crept up to the shoreline. Staring through the water, looking at the sandy and muddy bottom. I just wanted to stick my feet in and feel how mushy it is….
That’s when I didn’t hesitate, I decided to go for it. I didn’t care if it was raining or cold out. The water was calling my name in little whispers and I obeyed them. I first went knee deep in. It was chilling, but invigorating. I almost had to gasp to catch my breath again. Didn’t expect the clear waters to take me by surprise.
That’s when I wanted to go farther and deeper into the water.
That’s when I slowly started to submerge my body into the clear blue sea, letting the waves hit him and push me every which way. It made me smile, the water felt so dense and cool against my body, as my clothes became drenched in them. It was just as calming as it looked. I couldn’t help but twirl in the water, and swim around some. It was like I was a kid and it was bath time and all the cares in the world didn’t matter. I just had to become master of the sea.
That’s when I floated on my back, and looked up at the sky as more rain droplets kept hitting my face and the water surrounding me. I lifted my hands up to feel the rain hit my palms. That’s when I shut my eyes, taking it all in. It was so peaceful and serene. I didn’t want to open my eyes. I just let the water engulf me whole, and I slowly slide through the water, I only opened up eyes for a moment to see the sky start to darken as I slid further into the water .
As the world around me grew silent, I felt my lips slowly smile. Remembering what life once was, so easy and quiet. I want to get back to that. Maybe this was the only way to do achieve that once again.
Alrighty! That’s Part One! I hope it wasn’t too heart heavy for you as last one was :3 though, this one isn’t much better. I hope I didn’t provoke too many feelings of hurt or negativity, I tried to be subtle about it. I didn’t want to warn you exactly what it was in the beginning because that would of ruined the chapter, but let me know if more of a warning would be appropriate please. Don’t want anyone offended.
Also, I can’t seem to find the sheet where I wrote done the creator of the one pose used I’m sorry! I appreciate whoever created it though! As multiples uses.
I’m not sure when Part Two will be out. As of today and the past three days I haven’t been feeling the best. Not sure if I have a fever or my apartment is just really hot haha, and I haven’t had much of an appetite. Along with that had some lower right abdominal pain….which I know can’t be my ovary since I don’t have the right one anymore, and I’m wondering if its appendicitis since I have three of the symptoms, but I’m discouraged because the pain only comes when I’m laying down and ready to sleep? I think if it was appendicitis it would be constant, so hopefully its not that. Can’t afford that right now, once you have issues with your appendix they just remove it right away, and with school starting a week from today….I don’t think so haha. If anyone thinks its appendicitis let me know haha because a second opinion would be nice. I know i should go to urgent care or ER but I was there oct-dec for abdominal pain and all they told me is that I have “painful periods” which it clearly is not since I’m not on my period, and they just tell me they don’t know what it is. So I’m not chancing it again to be there for 4 hours with no results.